Managing your finances with your partner successfully is not rocket science
‘Let’s face it –Managing your finances with your partner successfully is not rocket science. Yes, it does requires some education, the information and tools are already available if you are willing to find them and learn. Managing our money should be much simpler than it is because money often comes along with tremendous emotional charge depending on the meaning we give it. It can make us feel generous or greedy. It can make us feel less than or inflate our ego. People tend to say money is evil, Money is not evil, money is a game, Managing your finances with your partner should be fun.
What you think and feel about money will have a huge impact on how you Managing your finances with your partner, and it gets vastly more complex with a spouse or significant other.
In working with millions of people from across the globe, the driving force behind everyone’s actions and beliefs are a core set of needs. We have coined these the “6 human needs” and although each person values each one differently (in their own personal hierarchy), becoming aware of them will help you understand both your own motivations as well as your spouse or significant other. They will also open your eyes to the way in which you choose to manage (or sometimes mismanage) your personal finances and Managing your finances with your partner successfully.
First, a quick breakdown of the needs themselves while Managing your finances with your partner:
1. Certainty – This is the need to feel in control and to minimize risk in your life/finances
2. Uncertainty (aka Variety) – Too much certainty or predictability creates boredom. We need to change things up now and again.
3. Significance – The desire to feel important, unique or needed.
4. Love/Connection – Love is the oxygen of the soul. We need this connection in order to thrive as humans.
5. Growth – Growth comes from challenging ourselves, learning and discovering who we really are.
6. Contribution – The secret to living is giving. If life is all about you, you will most certainly be miserable. Joy is often found in losing sight of yourself and meeting the needs of others.
Every single human has these 6 needs but not all share the same hierarchy. There are typically two that dominate your decision making and belief structures.
So just how do these needs come into play when you and your significant other are trying to synchronize your financial goals? Here are a few examples where emotional needs are driving the financial decisions:
- One might try and accumulate expensive brand name toys (cars, boats etc..) or insanely priced handbags in order to fill the need for significance – to feel status. Don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with nice things unless they come at the expense of responsibly saving enough income first or being able to contribute to others.
- One might value variety so much that they invest in all sorts of random opportunities without a plan or critical thinking.
- One might value contribution that their heart is overflowing with generosity for charities they support.
You can see that if someone craves certainty as their number 1 need, they will feel at odds with someone who values variety (“How flippant and impulsive can you be? Don’t you have a plan!?”). You can see that if someone craves significance and just has to have that new BMW, they will feel at odds with someone who sees contribution as a much better use of those funds.
One wonderful exercise you can take with managing your finances with your partner successfully is to sit down and self-diagnose which 2 of the 6 needs are the highest on your respective lists. This will create a level of understanding that will help you empathize with the emotions driving their money decisions (and EVERY other decision for that matter). It may also help you realize that certain needs may be the tail wagging the dog and will not help you achieve your long-term goals as a partnership.
Aligning your long term financial goals with your core emotional needs will remove any inner conflict and create much more harmony for your household.’